Is it worth it?

When I went out for errands yesterday, it was nice to feel that once again I belong. Before I found a job, it seemed like I was saying goodbye along the many streets I walk on. There was afterall the possibility that it might have been the last time for me to be in the area since I would have to leave the U.S. if I did not find a job. It is nostalgic, but it is the truth. But since I've accepted a job offer, my emotions have now changed and feelings of being part of New York City are once alive! I am here because I belong here. I am here because I have a purpose here.

But then I received a voicemail from my mom, my dog got out of our house and almost got lost. Our neighbor found the dog and returned her to us. My dog doesn't wear a collar, she has no tag; and even if she did, what if someone else found her and decided to keep her? My dog is one of the friendliest dog ever. She doesn't snarl at anyone, not even kooky strangers. She lets everyone pet her. Once when a cousin and his family were visiting us, I found their small boy poking the eye of my dog, she was not even complaining! I wanted to blast that kid out of our house, but not before illustrating how painful eye poking is, by poking his; then lecture him that he should not be poking anyone's eyes. (Ooops!)

So I couldn't sleep all night and got to thinking...is it worth it? Is it worth being away from my family, friends and pets just so I could work in the U.S. I think that I might always have known that "making it" in the U.S. is a challenge for me. I had been lucky to find two jobs, and now a third job, aren't those enough? Is it not enough to know that I could find a job here and work my way up, if I wanted to? Is giving up so much for a chance to fulfill my dreams worth it? Honestly, I do not know. The guilty feelings of going away and not being with family, have been resurrected now that I have found a job. Before finding a job, I had feelings of not being good enough, but then I was happy that I would be going home to family and friends. My feelings of defeat were assuaged by the fact that I would be going home; my feelings of success are ridden with guilt and aloneness.

If only I could bring them all here to live with me. But then, that would be imposing my dreams on them. Besides, it is hard enough to acquire and maintain lawful immigration status for myself, it'll be maddening to get everyone lawful status forever. Perhaps next year, when all is well, I could get one of my dogs to live with me. It certainly is something to consider and look forward to. When that time comes, I would have to move because my apartment does not allow dogs (cats are ok!) (I was so bothered that my dog may have gotten lost that even before 8.30a.m., I've actually already called the apartment across my building and left a message inquiring if pets are allowed in their building. I do not recall seeing anyone with pets there, but may be the people I've seen coming in and out just don't have pets. I'll try to call the building behind ours to ask about their rates and pet policy. My lease is good until mid-2012, but I can begin dreaming now. I know pet ownership is a lot of responsibility and cost, but it is also a lot of joy!)

Job found!!!

I have accepted an offer! (Nope, not the $36k offer I wrote about in my previous entry.) I had a second interview on Monday in a small Manhattan firm and received an offer. I don't even know if I can call it an interview, since the Partner's mind seemed to have been pretty made up even before I sat in his office. Must have really made a good impression on my first interview with a different member of the firm. Hooray!

Yesterday, I accepted the offer by email. I should have called, but I was thinking the Partner was really busy and looked flustered when I interviewed, I didn't want to risk breaking his concentration with my uncontainable excitement. I was beginning to worry when it was already past 5p.m. and I still hadn't received an email response. Luckily by 6p.m., I received a confirmation email from the Partner. It's true then! I wasn't just imagining things or inventing that I received an offer. (If I don't see it in writing, I become doubtful. LOL.) I somewhat rushed my acceptance email yesterday because the $36k firm emailed me to ask about my decision.

After I emailed my acceptance of the NYC offer, I then emailed $36k firm to let them know that I am declining their offer. The $36k firm asked me if I have already accepted an offer. My curiosity was piqued, would they be countering? I told the $36k firm that I was about to accept another offer. Then, it got weird and slightly in bad taste. $36k firm sent a follow-up email and asked me if I was accepting the other offer because the other firm gave me the salary I proposed. Hmmm, I don't know if it's just me, but I do think it was unprofessional for them to effectively ask me what my salary would be. I told HR of the $36k firm that I am not able to comment on that as such matter is confidential. Why did they even ask?!

Anyway, I am so happy now to not be looking for a job. I suppose it would take a while for me to completely stop visiting job sites because I've been so used to searching various job boards all day for the past 6 months. I started my job search in March and received two job offers in August. I slowed down my search in June and July because of the bar exam.  (I could actually have been employed as early as May, but I don't think that firm would have been a good match for me.)

I am eager to start working next month! Right now, we are still preparing my new H-1B petition. I hope everything goes well.

Job offer?

I think I just received an offer by phone. I can't be sure. How could that be? Well...
 
I  received an email from the firm's HR to call them if I have time today. I did. HR said before the firm sends an offer to me, they want to know if $36k was acceptable to me, plus benefits, and H1B sponsorship. I was stunned, because: 1) I made more in my last job; 2) When they asked for my salary requirement, I didn't say $36k. My head was saying, ask if there is wiggle room on the "non-existent but anticipated offer" but I was too shocked to speak. Then the HR probably sensing my surprise, added that's the highest they can offer. At which point, I regained my speaking abilities, and said, I am grateful for the offer, but I would need time to think about it. I added that I just had a second interview yesterday so I would appreciate some time to process. The HR said to email or call her, when I am ready to accept. LOL. Accept what?! There isn't any offer yet. How weird is that?!

Did I just receive an offer? I suppose it was an invitation to an offer? It's not even an invitation to negotiate, seeing it was non-negotiable. Per my understanding, I was asked, if the firm were to make that kind of offer, would that be acceptable to me. I told HR, I'll call them on Monday.

I think that I didn't even have the moment to feel joy with receiving an offer. I didn't know that was possible, but I suppose it is. Now, do I email HR? This "non-offer" is now an abstract thought in my head. I am only very slightly considering it because of the H1B sponsorship. I would be accepting with the thought of leaving in two years? I am regressing! What I am looking for is a long-term position of growth, not a semi-insulting offer. (I am not a snob. I understand it is hard times. I am thankful for the offer. But I did put a reasonable salary expectation, which was not in the area of $36k. I believe I just got a low ball offer.)

I guess I will just write-off this "non-offer" in my head and move on. If I don't get any other offers, I should not really regret anything. What the "non-offer" would do for me is to buy time in the U.S., nothing more.

Stunned. But grateful.

Done, done (again!)

The NY July 2011 Bar Exam is over! Whew. Not that I spent too much time studying, but still, it was a pretty intense cram time this past week.

Now let's talk job updates.  My oh my, it's been a while since May. I have received a few more rejections (mostly from unsolicited applications I sent out) in the mail since. I have also interviewed a few times. All I can remember now are interviews I did in Long Island, NY, downtown Manhattan, Milwaukee (by phone), Los Angeles (by phone). Last week, I interviewed for a Los Angeles firm at their NJ office and another Los Angeles firm (by phone). Tomorrow, I am interviewing in midtown Manhattan firm. To be honest, I am amazed that there are still trickles of interest coming in. I haven't been diligent sending out applications because after May, I've lost interest, and companies have likewise lost interest in me (generally), presumably because of my long-term unemployment. (The longer I stay unemployed, the harder it is to find a job. Argh!) I am truly thankful for any opportunities that miraculously come my way.

My applications to the LA firms seem to be advancing. One firm is currently checking my references, while I am on 2nd round of interview in the other. I am keeping my fingers crossed!

I want to write some more about how my job search is going, but my brain is mush. I can't seem to articulate my thoughts well. I'll stop here, before I reread this thing tomorrow and tell myself, "wow, you write crap."

Hope lives! Ad maiorem Dei gloriam!